Even When I Doubt You
November 28th. First class at CGA after the long Thanksgiving weekend.
Settling into my normal seat in the front left of the room, I open to a blank page in my journal to take notes on what Andi is about to teach.
Please don’t be something deep and intense. Please don’t be something deep and intense.
I hold my breath and repeat this silent prayer.
“Alright! Now that we’re back from Thanksgiving break, we’re going to spend this first part of class learning a new tool to process challenging and emotional situations.”
I let out a sigh, laced with disappointment and mental exhaustion.
Why am I still at CGA?
Really though.
Why in the world am I still attending this leadership training program in the middle of northern Georgia?
This is the question that’s been turning around my head for the past week as I’ve sat in classes, attended meetings, and typed up yet another inquiry email for work on how much the World Race impacted my life.
Classes are intense and I mentally feel exhausted. Fundraising has been difficult and I have ran out of ideas. The mundane of life has settled in and I begin to wonder when there will be rest from the challenges of self-awareness and growth.
Despite all this, these past two days I’ve felt a shift in my life.
I feel myself entering a new season.
A season where I’m still the same quirky, tender, sometimes (okay, most times) awkward, caring, harmony-seeking Laura.
A season where I’m putting behind my fears of stepping out in leadership, making decisions, and saying the hard things.
A season where I’m walking in God’s authority through discipleship, feedback, and putting myself out there.
A season where I’m pouring out the immense love I’ve received from Papa through discipling others, volunteering outside of AIM, and practicing the gifts He has given me.
So why am I still here at CGA?
Walking through the woods on the AIM campus yesterday evening, peace washed over me and a smile covered my face.
I know why.
Because my Papa loves me too much to not continue to bring me to new places in all aspects of my life.
Because He wants me to grow, try, fail, and learn.
And to do this, He brought me here.
